Bob Reincarnated

Note: Yes, there are more chicken breasts stories. How many are there? Only time can tell my friends. Yesterday was the one year anniversary by the way. And yesterday was the first day in a long time where I actually threw out some really creative and insane ideas. I wonder if it has something to do with the time of the year... I don't know. But anyway, it was nice to feel that randomness again that my inferiority complex has sapped so much of. Everyone around me is growing up... they don't like to be weird and random anymore. Some of them do, but those are rare. The rest are too close to being adults. Maybe I will be one of those kids who never really grows up. That would be awesome... anyway (I need to stop going off on these tangents), here is the story that I was forced to right in Language Arts last year (I wrote all of these stories for Lang. Arts, but this one was forced) about Bob and his battle against the noxious weeds. In this post will also be a story that me and Cork himself* wrote through MSN messenger. Watch this flash animation first: http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/taters

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, there was an orc named Bob. He was the King of Chicken Breasts, and he was a very noble king. Unfortunately, he came to a tragic end, which was dying of thirst because the badgers’ song never ended when he began to listen. But there was hope...

There was bright light, and all of a sudden, Bob had the urge to cry. So he did, and it was very annoying and loud. There was a man standing there who said,

"This child is our last hope against the noxious weeds that are taking over our world. He will be a Jedi Master. Jedi Master Bob."

As the years went by, Bob morphed into something that had a slight resemblance to an orc. Eventually, he renamed himself Jedi Master Yoda instead of Bob, because the name Bob reminded him of his past life and made him depressed. He became a very skilled Jedi, and he of course had to learn all the rules, and how to "use the force."

He became very strong, despite the fact that he only reached three feet by the time he was a full-grown adult, and he defeated every single one of his opponents. In fact, he taught many people to be Jedis, and it was always an honor to be taught by him.

One unfortunate day, Yoda discovered a noxious weed growing in his bed. He then realized that they were all over the room. He looked outside and they had taken over the city. They just kept sprouting up everywhere, killing everything in their path, including people. This really annoyed Yoda.

In a sudden fit of rage, he broke the window and jumped out. A weed cushioned his fall, and he took out his light saber and started whacking it into little tiny pieces. But the root was still there, and it fought back. It grabbed him and pulled him under the ground, through a huge tunnel, into the depths underneath the city. He landed on the ground hard.

From what he could see, there were huge teeth in front of him. They bit his light saber and broke it, and that was the end of that. He was in the dark, standing next to a huge monster, and he didn’t have a weapon. So he started blindly beating the snot out of it with his hands. All of a sudden, he was lifted from the earth by flying chicken breasts. He knew then that he had saved the earth, and the almost defeated race of chicken breasts. He was wounded horribly, so he died happy, knowing that he had fulfilled his duty. THE END (maybe)

And now for the MSN convo:

Sarah says:
[insert pic of snail here]
Sarah says:
There. That's weird.
Sarah says:
Betcha can't beat the randomness of that one.
Corky says:
(gaoieshtoiuwaehfsan intestine)
Corky says:
foo
Sarah says:
Singing chicken breasts.
Corky says:
filled with crystallized yellow pudding
Corky says:
which plops out with each chorus
Corky says:
wow, what an image
Sarah says:
lol... Ruled by an Orc named Co rk.
Sarah says:
*Cork
Corky says:
who saw a dork holding a fork over a helpless stork who sent for pork to appease cork the orc
Sarah says:
Who then freaked out because there was pork and exploded.
Corky says:
and then the stork, suffering from massive post-traumatic stress disorder, flew as far as he could away from that place, over the mountains of mordor, to the valleys of rohan, and convieniently flew into a cliff-face
Corky says:
he was daydreaming
Corky says:
that's right
Corky says:
eat it
Sarah says:
ha ha ha...
Sarah says:
The cliff then proceeded to crack right down the middle.
Sarah says:
And then it exploded.
Corky says:
from a stork
Corky says:
.....some cliff
Sarah says:
lol
Corky says:
just as soon as frodo and the other members of the fellowship were paddling their boats beneath in the river below the cliff
Corky says:
oh snap
Corky says:
what now [insert crude derogatory term for a homosexual combined with a crude term for a buttocks here]
Corky says:
huh
Sarah says:
ha ha...
Sarah says:
Which then caused the river to explode sending hobbits flying around everywhere.
Corky says:
wtf?
Sarah says:
I like explosions.
Corky says:
indeed
Corky says:
welllll....
Corky says:
in the midst of all the flying hobbits, filled with mashed taters and gravy, it was hazy, (due to the dust from the cliff explosion, maybe) and then
Corky says:
the lazy men from Gondor came and ate the tasty hobbit
Corky says:
s
Sarah says:
Along with the taters and gravy.
Corky says:
yes
Sarah says:
Then Gollum came along and said, "What's taters eh?"
Corky says:
lmfao
Corky says:
THE END
Sarah says:
That was kewl.

*All of this nonsense was caused by my friend Corey (a.k.a. Cork) who lives very far away and is a REAL person. Last year at Christmas, he e-mailed me a picture of "him" on a Christmas card, and this picture happened to be of an orc. So I started calling him "Cork the Orc." Eventually I tested out of Mrs. Bozell's class and I decided to write a very weird story as my alternate assignment, and I was in the library and saw the book Summer of the Monkeys (I can't remember whether that's exactly what it's called or not) sitting on the shelf next to me. It got me to thinking... I thought, "What is something weird that I could put in place of the monkeys?" so I picked what I then thought were singing chicken breasts off of the Quizno's subs commercial (which I later found out were really "Spongmonkies" created by a man named Joel Veitch who makes really hilarious flash animations). And thus, the stories were started. The one written by Cork and I was a competition as to who could rhyme the most, which then turned into a competition as to who could write the most creative piece, which then turned into a combined effort to write a strange story. I must apologize for Cork's cussing; I censored it of course. The first one posted was prompted by a pic of Yoda that Cork included in one of his many e-mails he sent to me last year before I had messenger. There was also an e-mail with a pic of Cookie Monster in it (that was foreshadowing by the way).